Just a few days ago, Vanessa García, a 37-year-old painter from Oviedo, said “I do” at a ceremony held in a hotel in Gijón. García carried a bouquet, a ring, a dress; she had guests in suits, an elegant room decorated with garlands and flowers, cameras and an official in charge of the ceremony. What she didn’t have was no one in front of her when she said “I do.” And that’s normal. By vocalizing it, García wasn’t declaring her love for any partner. This sentence served to confirm her love for herself and her commitment to herself.

It may be shocking, but García’s ceremony is just the latest evidence of a practice shared by many people: monogamy.

Three brides for three weddings. A few days ago, Gijón became the unexpected capital of Spanish monogamy. Vannessa García and two other women got married there and decided to celebrate their marriage in a way and context that broke away from orthodoxy. Instead of saying “I do” to their partners, they said “I do” to themselves. There was a room, guests, flowers, but only three brides wanted to celebrate their wedding with themselves. No couple.

Officiant Teresa Estay did something similar in April 2019, deciding to hold a ceremony that she claimed was “a whole orange” and not half a fruit waiting for the other half. In addition to the location and day, some extra details have emerged from the wedding of García and her two friends: the weddings started at noon and lasted until late in the afternoon, the first person to cross the “altar” wanted to do it in complete privacy, and finally, García herself was the most vocal about her decision.

“It’s hard to explain it.”. Vanessa García, 37, from Oviedo, discovered monogamy with Estay. Accept that it is not easy to explain. At least explain it in all its complexity. “It is like being alone but still with yourself. It is something difficult to explain. When you travel with your partner or your pet, you feel like you have someone with you; it is the same, but that other person is you,” she explained in an interview with Voice of Asturias days before the wedding.

Reaffirm your self-love. García knew hers would be a different, unconventional ceremony, and not just because she decided to wear a red dress. “That day, I reaffirmed that I love, respect, and take care of myself,” she shares. “The ceremony is a way to trick the brain and make it tangible, so instead of it just staying there in the brain, you feel the commitment to yourself.” Because this was a wedding, García purchased a dress and had the date taken care of down to the millimeter, including the invitations and wedding rings.

“Getting a ring and engraving my name and the date on it made everything feel right. I started to feel like I was really going to do this. I felt the little effects at that moment, it was very powerful,” he admitted. Voice of AsturiasShe was even thinking about where she would spend her honeymoon, looking for a place in the mountains or by the sea where she could “disconnect.”

Without distancing yourself from the coupleFor García and her friends, saying “I do” doesn’t mean they’re giving up on romantic relationships or even walking down the aisle hand in hand with a partner again. World He explains that three friends who embrace monogamy have more in common than their desire to justify their love for themselves: they are women, from Oviedo, heterosexual, they met in some dance classes that Estay also attended, and they are not close to each other. They have already experienced what it is like to share life with another person.

Garcia has had several partners. Another of the women in the bridal gown is a 32-year-old teacher. The third is over 60, has a son and was divorced years ago. “They’re all at different stages of their lives,” the painter adds. Before she was leading a monogamous relationship or acting out a relationship on her own, Estay had a boyfriend, but she admits that she “voided herself as a person.” “I thought: If people promise each other eternal love, why don’t I promise myself first?”

Dating back to the 90s. The connections between García and his friends have also sparked interest beyond Asturias, but the truth is that monogamy is not new. Nor are its connections exceptional. The practice dates back at least to the 90s. In 1993, Linda Baker, a dental hygienist from Los Angeles, had already done something similar: she printed invitations for 75 family and friends, organized a wedding officiated by a person she trusted, and declared herself “husband and wife”. Years later, in mid-2104, Sasha Cagen organized a similar event in Buenos Aires; an exercise in “self-evaluation and acceptance”.

Are they legally valid? Monogamous marriages have an emotional and symbolic value that their supporters insist on, but their validity does not extend to the government. Saying “I do” to oneself does not carry the legal advantages of traditional marriage, nor does it grant the 15-day leave privilege granted to married couples.

In 2017, Vice noted that monogamy is not recognized as a binding relationship in either the EU, North America or the UK. This does not mean that it has gained visibility over time. And not just on a private level. In 2020, Candela Pena starred in the film La Boda de Rosa, in which her character decides to marry herself. Cagen himself published a book with a statement of intent: Quirkyalone: ​​​​​​A manifesto for non-compromise.

150 “yes you want” (and counting). Its very nature makes it very difficult to get a sense of how widespread monogamy was and how many preceded García and his friends in Spain. World But it does provide an important clue. May Serrano, in Spain, decided to say “I do” to herself in 2011, and estimates that around 150 weddings have taken place in the country since then.

“It was a long and very fun road,” he tells the newspaper, noting that he has organized around 65 solo relationships. His experience shows, first, that most of the ceremonies are celebrated in the north; second, that monogamy has triumphed, especially among women. There are men – García explains that he is about to take the first step in Gijón – but they are a minority, barely 1%.

Picture | Allef Vinicius (Unsplash)

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