While some people can remain very calm despite being criticized, some people are immediate gets angry and shines. While you may have your own understanding of why this is so, scientists and researchers may think otherwise.

There are many scientists who are doing research to explain this situation. For example, Jay T. Knippen and Thad B. Green discovered in their study in the US in 1996 that it is difficult to understand why we dislike criticism. first step in dealing with criticism they realized that. As a result, they developed five steps for dealing with criticism. In this article we have discussed their more systematized form.

There may be a “sense of worthlessness” behind your inability to withstand negative criticism.

One of those who research criticism is Dr. David Brands. Dr. Burns is a cognitive behavioral therapist and author of Feeling Good. What upsets us, according to the author, isn’t actually the negative reviews. What causes these negative reviews is, our beliefs about ourselves. Let’s make it concrete with an example:

Let’s say you work in a store and a customer makes a potentially bad review of you. The first thoughts that come to mind are: “Even the customers realized I was useless”, “They’re definitely going to fire me.” According to the author, it cannot be said that you can handle criticism very well. This is what is about yourselfi’m worthlessThe pre-acceptance “I’m useless” is triggered by the customer’s comment.

Criticism management begins with the empathy step.

In this step, Knippen and Green argued that empathy is important in trying to understand why the person criticizing us speaks to us in this way. Dr. Burns also assumed this and indicated that this creates a feeling that he is listened to and understood in that person. Give it to her by asking questions He emphasized that we can.

Let’s continue with our example: Customer “How incompetent you are, they pay you for nothing here.” make such a harsh comment. In this step, “Why do you think I’m incompetent, how do you think this job should be done?” When we ask questions like; most of the time the other person will remain silent because they don’t expect an answer.

The second step is to accept criticism and make it vulnerable.

Dr. According to Burns, in this step we should try to make the critic feel that we are not his enemy, but that we are actually on his side. The technique we will use for this is concentrate on the points on which we can agree it could be.

Let’s continue our example: In the previous step, you tried to understand him and wondered why he thought you were incompetent. To this the customer says: “You work too slowly. I’ve been in line for two hours. How is this service?” Let’s pretend you said. “Yes you are right; it is a bit busy today and we have limited staff so you had to wait in line.” You can make him feel that you are with him, this way the critic can stop seeing us as enemies and can communicate with us in a more understanding way.

Sometimes there is some truth to criticism and emphasis is placed on things that need to be changed.

Dr. According to Burns, criticism often ends before this step is reached when these steps are followed. But if you’ve come this far, the person criticizing you promise of change It can be waiting. Once you have decided whether the criticism is justified or not, it is up to you to make changes or not. If you don’t want to make a change, express it firmly.

In our example If we want to say firmly that we are not making any changes, we can continue as follows: “Due to our store policy, we can only employ a certain number of staff, so it is not possible to increase our workforce. However, if you don’t like waiting in line, you can prefer Tuesday and Thursday, when the customer density is relatively lower, for shopping.

We have a different strategy for people whose purpose is not to criticize you, but to spoil you.

In this step, Dr. According to Burns, these people a little praise start the sentence saying, “You are right, this is a very important point; how could it be better, let’s explore it together.” We should push our students to research and learn the truth with phrases like:

In our example this can be done with sentences like: “You are right, this is an important issue; If you would like, please let us know in writing how we can manage this intensity as we talk to store management over the next few days and try to find a solution. If you give your suggestions to our friends at the checkout, they will forward them to us.”

Remark: There may be some criticism that you can’t handle even though you’ve followed these steps. Sometimes you come across people whose sole purpose is to attack you and your identity. But Dr. David Burns says you can master critical management up to 90% with these techniques.