“Those I met through Tinder ended up ‘stop writing for us’, without further explanation, but without the disgust that could have occurred. The worst was the one who talked to me 24/7, we went out a few times and one day the romance whitened in the networks (I did not know) and he no longer talked to me. You did not stay with him for a month. At that time I answered the story, We talked again 24/7, always with invitations, which he did not specify: he told me that he had a lot of work … “.

„…Then my girlfriend whitened again, but this time she blocked me. I felt very used to it because he was talking to me all day. When he returned to my search networks, I heard and no longer answered (besides, I was with someone). “I did not like him so much and I did not feel in love, but he had some addictive game that made him addicted and then he ran away.”.

The story is shared by Diana (fictitious name to avoid identity). He is 31 years old and says he has had other stories that were born through social media and did not end so badly. But in this case the situation was different.

He became a victim of what is known as Grinding bread, Which refers to the actions of people who do not disappear until the end, but neither give up meeting nor meet.

This is a term that has emerged almost simultaneously Ghosts, Which implies the untimely disappearance of a person, after several appointments, without explanation. Man disappears completely, becomes a “ghost” or ghost, as it is called in Spanish.

“I went out with a skinny guy and everything was going very well. We were together for a few months, but it was all very intense: we had incredible outings; I went to my sister’s house for her birthday; He sent me photos of the children and from day to day he did not reply to me. უჩAuchinarda. I wrote to him several more times, but I did not receive a reply. I still do not know what happened. It is horrible not to know what is happening on the other side and that they disappear from one second to the next. ” Tells V, a 35-year-old woman who also asks for a reservation on her behalf because she does not want to be exposed.

The story of Diana and V is one of many anecdotes about virtual love and heartache that can be heard or read daily.Through public downloads in everyday environments or various social networks Has virtualization facilitated the most up-to-date links or is it just more about what also happened before?

“I think, on the one hand, it reveals the dynamics that already existed, and also face to face. Clearly, virtuality has its peculiarities because it is a ghost, but not that it did not exist before, but now it is given a more visible way; “And as long as there is more control over social media, we can learn more about this disconnect, as well as about the connection itself,” said Mariana Palubo, a social scientist and Conicet researcher, in Dialogue. Infobae.

R. also has a story to share, which ends in an illusion: “I had a relationship when I recently arrived in Buenos Aires with a guy from La Plata (Buenos Aires province). We met each other every weekend: sometimes I would go to his apartment and sometimes he would come to me, in the capital. We talked a lot on WhatsApp for a week, it had no social networks. After a year and a month of relationship, the conversation became more and more rude and I noticed that there was less intention on his part for the meeting.

Near the end of the relationship, one weekend I went to celebrate his birthday together. Nothing unusual happened, it just didn’t get me to the train station as usual. When I got home, we exchanged a few messages and the last thing he sent me was “hahaha” in response to something I said to him. As I noticed that something was strange, I did not talk to him to see how long it took him to talk or something like that, but the days turned into months and I never heard from him again. He had told me several times before that my approaches were childish, so I preferred not to be bothered and just stopped talking. He did not even call me to look for borrowed books. “

Liquid love

These stories are examples of what sociologist Sigmund Baumann described as liquid love in his homonymous book, published in 2003. There he speaks. More pervasive interpersonal relationships, superficial and less committed. For the author, these types of links flourish in postmodernism, In which there is a greater propensity for individualism and a predominance of consumer ideology that causes everything, including other people, to be seen as a commodity that meets needs. Once the demand is met, the second becomes disposable.

Psychoanalyst Maria Fernanda Rivas, member of the Argentine Psychoanalytic Association (APA) and author of the book “La familia y la ley”. “Conflict transformations,” he said, noting that several years have passed since that reflection In recent years, links have changed quite a bit, which means less commitment or depth.

“Are the traditional ways of finding a partner adequate? We should not necessarily think that a relationship that starts virtually will be intended to be superficial or quickly extinguished. “It is risky to equate virtuality with lack of commitment,” said the expert.

Palumbo also emphasizes that it is not necessary to think that digital life necessarily implies the creation of malicious or ephemeral links.

“I think it is important to understand that virtuality should not necessarily be seen as a negative space, such as the severance of social connection.On the contrary, we can think that virtuality, although it has its dynamics, which is based on greater immediacy, greater temporality, also reflects the dynamics of the everyday social life in the face, “- analyzes the specialist.

It is important for him to analyze the situation in terms of the social context in which they arise. “Rather than demonizing virtuality, we need to think about what is happening to ourselves as a society.“How do we communicate, what do we expect from links and what is happening on a more social and economic level, so that virtuality is our preferred channel of expression and communication today,” he added.

Pandemic as a catalyst for virtual meetings

Analyzing the links, one can not ignore the pandemic and the catalytic effect it has had on the development of virtual meetings. During imprisonment and quarantine, social networks and dating apps became almost the only channel for communication with others.. And this was clearly shown by the explosion of new users who signed up for many of these channels.

“The pandemic of macro-crisis, which has affected human connections and brought about an accelerated transformation of the world, has had a paradoxical effect: On the one hand, it caused a great loss, but on the other hand, it allowed new resources and different ways of “being together”. What has become very clear is that even in the midst of illness and death, people do not stop looking for ways to build a relationship. Virtual resources have been activated and dating apps have exploded in some places. Given the state of vulnerability, it seems that riding has become crucial. “One of the most desirable feelings at that time was the feeling of being accompanied, and why not? … Beloved,” Rivas said.

The comfort of being seduced from a chair

Dating apps and networks also make it easy to maintain remote relationships or just engage in virtual flirting that may or may not end with solid connections.

Palumbo says apps allow you to meet a wide variety of people from the comfort of your own home or while traveling, as you can use these services to do other things. In this sense, it promotes more freedom and even more opportunity for a romantic quarrel. However, he warns that there are limitations in this environment as well.

“You also have to think in terms of sex, many times it continues to reproduce the logic in which women are fed faster than men and men continue to have access to networks to continue to seduce in an infinite way. So I think there are certain discourses of non-virtual order that are reproduced in the virtual space as another space of human connection, ”the sociologist emphasizes.

The heart always hurts: in the face and in the virtual

When we get a visa, it hurts as much as it hurts, a few years ago the phone was no longer answered. Denial, regardless of its forms, always causes pain, as experts point out.

“There are things like lack of love or choice that cause pain and sorrow“But it also has to do with what the connection is, but it also happens face-to-face.”

In line with this view, Rivas says:Beyond social networks we meet people who are tormented by love as much as by presence. Response or non-return affects self-esteem and when it does not, it manifests itself in deep emotional pain.

Continue reading: