They don’t have a partner. They don’t even look for him. They don’t even want to buy it. Those who identify with Agami confront life and their relationships from a different perspective than traditional monogamy or polygamy. They are single, but not in the traditional sense: Theirs is a deliberate, chosen celibacy; a lifestyle that does not consider having a girlfriend or boyfriend, a husband or wife as friends. This doesn’t mean that agamous people shy away from relationships, sex, or even loving feelings. You can include these in your life. Or not. The important thing is that they cannot consider participating in romantically based long-term relationships.

Although there is no definitive data on its evolution, INE tables and the statements of some experts give clues that it may be gaining weight.

The value of words. There are terms that define them. Agamia is a perfect example. The word is based on negation (“with”)’of “gamos”, a word that refers to intimate unions and marriages. Agama person is single. But it is a very special case: a bachelor who is consciously celibate, by his own decision. It may seem like a small matter, but by adopting this position we are breaking away from a philosophy that has long viewed couple stability as a vital goal, a prior step to starting a family and having children.

rethinking relationships. Agamy therefore moves away from “monogamy,” which relies on bonding and exclusive relationship with a single partner, or polyamorous relationships, which open the spectrum to more couples. Agamous people explain sexologist Lucía Jiménez to the newspaper A B C, “start from the premise that having partners or romantic attachments conditions one’s vital expression.” On the website Agamia.es they summarize this from another perspective: agamia will consist of a relationship model based on the “elimination of poverty”. fallow deer And play relationship“that is, traditional unions such as marriage.

Giving up on sex and love? When defining polygamy, certain principles are usually invoked, such as the renunciation of couples, the pattern of treating them for procreative purposes, and, above all, the defense of personal independence; However, this does not mean that those who identify as agamos necessarily give up on sexual relationships or romance. “It is not about destroying ties, but rather about exploring each of the personal unions that we find freely and without fear of colliding with each other,” Jiménez elaborates.

Although sexologists admit that it is not strange that they “prioritize the development of individual sexuality” and place greater emphasis on “sexual self-knowledge”, agamous people do not need to follow certain rules. In fact, the concept is flexible enough and rich in nuances to cover different profiles and circumstances, as sexual health expert Mónica Chang from Iroha points out: “An agamic relationship can be polyamorous, while another can be monogamous. It may not be.

But… What do the numbers say? It is difficult to find statistics that give a particular image of agami and allow us to get an idea of ​​​​how many people identify with this way, how much weight it has in society, or how it has developed over the years. We have reliable research on celibacy. Although not all bachelors are agamous people, their numbers can give us some valuable clues. For example, the latest data from INE shows that there are 14.9 million single people in Spain (7.9 men and 6.9 women), compared to 20.1 million married people. Just a few years ago, in 2021, there were 14 million singles in Spain, 900,000 fewer.

Another relevant piece of data comes from the Survey on Basic Characteristics of Population and Housing (ECEPOV), produced by INE, which showed that millions of people claimed not to have a partner that year. A significant portion of the population between the ages of 30 and 50 also claims that they do not have a partner. Again, not all cases can be classified as agami but it is an interesting starting point.

This trend is so pronounced that the University of São Paulo recently devoted an article to agamy, in which he quotes anthropology professor Heloisa Buarque to introduce another key idea: new generations are looking for new ways to relate without legal obligation. The INE data is once again significant: if 271,300 people were registered in Spain in 1975, in 2022 this number was already 172,900. The latest data only includes connections between people of different genders, but still clearly reflects the collapse.

New times… and mentality. Buarque de Almeida is not the only one to point out the rejection of commitment. Moreover, there are even those who talk about philophobia, that is, “fear of commitment”. In 20Minutos, psychologist Jessica Prado offers a key to understanding the new scenario: the shift in paradigm and mindset that has occurred in a relatively short period of time, at least in terms of generations.

In the expert’s opinion, if something leads to rejection, it is that we have moved from one society in which there was a possibility of not being attached, remaining single and not starting a family, to another with an almost opposite mentality and where other values ​​\u200b\u200btake priority. as professional projection of “individual goals and own aspirations.” Another important factor in the debate is that this change coincides with a demographic winter in which Spain is no stranger. Moreover, if the census managed to reach almost 48.7 million, it was mainly thanks to immigration.

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